It's been a long time since I've talked to most of my high school and pre-mission friends. It's not that I don't want to talk to them, but after graduation we all went our separate ways, and then about two years later I left for another country where I lived for two more years. It seems to me that during that time my existence faded away into the dark corners of memory for them. I never expected that to happen. Best friends are always there for you, right? Yet somehow upon arriving home from Iceland I was in the predicament that my friends had all moved on. Being home was one of the hardest things for me, I wanted to go back to Iceland where I knew people and where I had friends. It didn't help that I had people from Iceland tell me how much they missed me and wanted to see me again. Summer was an awkward reconstruction of myself and my friend circle. It involved making new friends, and desperately trying to get back in touch with the old ones. Yet they didn't come.
Then, once again, I left my native Kansas and headed out to Utah, where I am attending BYU. Once again I had to rebuild a friend group and try to find where I belonged. I think I could honestly count on my two hands all the people I knew at BYU. To make things worse, I have a lot of family out here, and no disrepect to you all, but I don't know them that well. Kansas is kinda far away, and to be honest I had shut the door on family before my mission. I was convinced that I was set out there in Kansas. But now the tables turned.
However, making new friends out here in Utah proved much easier than I had thought. I quickly got to know some of my neighbors in Wyview and met up with mission buds. Work proved to be a source of great friends too. But deep down I still yearned for the friendships I had had before my mission. I just wanted to talk, just once, maybe twice. And I've waited patiently for that day to come.
One of the first was my friend Patrick. I had meant to meet up with him this summer, but I allowed myself to get "too busy" and put it off. It had been a while since we had talked, and things had changed in my two years abroad. But nonetheless he was willing to reach out to talk to me, and we've enjoyed some small talk over the past few months. But what really got me was when we were talking about him and his girlfriend, now fiance. He told me at that time that he wanted me to be his best man at his wedding. I was taken aback. After two or three years our friendship was still just as strong, even though we still haven't seen each other in ages! It meant so much to me when he told me that this is what he had always wanted. I don't know if Patrick realizes how much this means to me. Some things you just never know.
But the story doesn't end there. Just the other day while chilling on Facebook my friend Matt started chatting with me. It has literally been ages since I have talked with Matt. But when he reached out to talk to me I realized something. It may have been two+ years, but I've still got my friends. Matt, you'll never know how much it meant to me to talk to you after the past few years. These two guys were two of my closest friends, and it hurt so bad to be torn apart when I left and then to feel as though we had stayed apart when I returned. But now I see things differently. We're not torn apart, but there is a right time to reconnect. And I have thoroughly enjoyed reconnecting with my good old friends!
One thing that I learned while I was away for two years is that you really don't ever know the impact you can have on someone else's life. I've seen incredible changes in the people I taught on my mission, and also just the people I knew over there. I've also gradually learned about some of the people who I influenced while I was gone, some of them people who my parents talked to about my experiences, times when I reached them only through others. You really never know when something you say will touch the heart of someone else. You never know when you will lift a fallen hand, a troubled soul, an old friend. I'm so thankful for all of you who have sent me messages when I needed them most, and I'm thankful that at times I can do they same. The best part? I'll never know the impact I've had. :)
