This morning I taught myself a valuable lesson. One I'm sure I've learned before, set on a shelf in my mind and let slowly disappear until I have completely forgotten it. The lesson I retaught myself is to take life one day at a time.
I have a tendency to try to take on fifty things at once, and then when things aren't falling into place perfectly I wonder why my life is such a mess. The obvious answer? Probably because you are not allowing yourself to focus on any one thing. By now you're probably wondering what it is that had my mind circling. Schedules. I love to feel like I know what is going on and when. I still love the spontaneity of the moment, but I want to know that spontaneity is possible, requiring me to know when my free time is. So when BYU put up the schedules for fall semester classes, I jumped on it to figure out my schedule. However, I've been trying to decide what I really want to do with my life, where I want to go and what I want to study. You can only imagine what that did to my head as I pretended to know what I wanted to take in terms of classes.
But instead of taking a moment to thing through one thing at a time, I jumped on all of my thoughts and sent my mind on a wild goose chase. My mind on a wild goose chase is potentially the worst thing that can happen. I completely shut down and begin to hate everything. I couldn't think straight, and it looked like my schedule would just be a big mess, making me even angrier. My job has specific hours, and my schedule would be running over all of them. So, I left it alone and told myself to not even think about it until later. I still sat in my room completely shut down from this experience. (Lame, I know).
Last night I talked to my mom about my lack of plan and she gave me some advice as to what she thought would be best. I then talked to a friend about what religion class we were going to take, and after that I felt like I had a plan. I knew at least one thing, and I could plan the rest of my schedule from that one point. So, I left it until morning and then got to work.
This morning was marvelous in comparison to last night's train wreck. I looked at my schedule and chose when I wanted time open and when I willing to have classes. Literally it all fell into place. And that was when I realized that all I needed to do was step back a little, and let my mind go just one step at a time. I know I've learned this a million times before, but it always surprises me how quickly I forget what I've learned. So with it fresh in my mind, I'll try to remember this lesson. One moment at a time, one step at a time, one day at a time.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Chasing My Dreams
So, I really don't like to complain, but I'm really good at it. Maybe a little too good at it. So, in case you're wondering, this post is me complaining. I think it's a good rant though, and I think everyone should learn from the things that I've written.
So, this story goes back a long way actually. Back to my younger years, when nobody really knew what they wanted to do yet everyone had a dream. At that time nobody said engineering or teaching, people wanted to be acrobats, clowns, and comedians. Well, in those days I too had a simple dream. Art. I loved it, and I wanted it so bad. My older sister also did a lot with art, so I imagined myself being good like her and being in all the great art classes, respected by everyone else. I held onto my art dream for a while, but when "career finding" in middle school, being anything in regards to art is not an option. Be a doctor! Be a teacher! Just don't throw your life away into art.
Unfortunately this impacted me. So through high school I walked the academic road. I was going for scholarships and finding what I was good at. Well, I found what I was good at: not studying, not wanting to learn any of these academic things, and wanting to go back to my simple dream. I listened as friends began to say what they wanted in their lives, and so I had to settle on something too. It was rough for me, I didn't want any of the things they wanted, or even what others said I would be good at. But after having a great history teacher, I decided I would try that. And so I went to college as a history major. In case you're wondering, that generally is considered just the same as saying you're undecided.
But there was one thing I did in high school to regain my desires. Senior year I took a photography class, an upper level art class, and reignited my love of art. So, I went to college as a history major, but enrolled in a drawing class. My confined love for art was sent flying! I couldn't bring it back anymore so I changed majors. I was going to be an art major. I talked with my drawing professor about career ideas. With a Masters in art I can teach anywhere I want, literally. If I add some psychology I can be an art therapist. I could go the route of graphic design. In the end what came out of this was that being an art major is not the equivalent of throwing your life into a garbage can.
So now is where the rant enters. We'll begin on the positive side of it. I have great parents, and they said "James, if you want to be an art major, be the best art major there is" (or something along those lines). What I didn't know at the time is that I had relatives telling my parents that I was throwing my life away. I had members of my church ward telling them and me that I need to find something else. Since I basically aced the ACT math and science sections, a lot of the suggestions where in the math/science fields. That is beyond not where I wanted to go! I started to look into art therapy. It's a mix of two great things: art and psychology. I was content, and that is what mattered to me.
On my mission there wasn't too much talk of college and majors, so I was relieved for a time from this anchor people tried to drown me with. But then upon my return and my entrance to BYU it all came back, and with a vengeance. The first question people have for me is "What are you going to do with that?" Better yet is when people tell me that I need to think about how I'm going to support a family with this degree. And here's a real kicker, I displayed some of my art for a ward activity once and talked about my art and my love of art. Afterward, while most of the college kids were admiring my work and saying how good it was I had a ward leader come up and tell me "This is all great, but you should find something that can support a family." Wow. Thanks for the encouragement. But really, that is a typical response when you announce that you are an art major. I'm tempted to tell people that my plan is to just be a hobo. Sounds totally fun, right?
So, now for what really blew my top yesterday. I went with the BYU Scandinavian Club cross country skiing yesterday evening. I got a ride up to Aspen Grove with a friend of mine and two of his friends. Of course his friends asked some info about me and when I mentioned being an art major they sounded really excited, saying that it was cool and continued asking questions. Then came their kicker. "So, I don't want to sound rude or anything, but what do your parents think of that?" ...ummm... How does one even respond to that? I think I handled it pretty well but really? Oh, my parents totally disowned me because I have a dream that I'm following, how bout you? Chemistry major? I bet your parents hate you too. Really? Who asks that kind of question?! The audacity in asking me about what my parents thought of my major honestly shocked me. That is one blow I have not received yet. So, now I'm here ranting to all of you about the things that knock me off my rocker.
So, yes, I am a Studio Arts major. No, I don't plan on changing my major. Yes, I have thought about my future and what I need to do in order to support a family. No, my parents don't hate my decision and everything about what I'm doing. Yes, I do love what I'm doing and plan on catching the dream I had as a young child. Some people throw dreams by the wayside, but I just can't let go. So, the next time you see me or any other art major, instead of throwing out demeaning comments about how dumb we are or how we have no future, maybe you should congratulate us on chasing our dreams. After all, I don't trash talk your major and question your future. Let's not kill off all the dreamers left in the world.
So, this story goes back a long way actually. Back to my younger years, when nobody really knew what they wanted to do yet everyone had a dream. At that time nobody said engineering or teaching, people wanted to be acrobats, clowns, and comedians. Well, in those days I too had a simple dream. Art. I loved it, and I wanted it so bad. My older sister also did a lot with art, so I imagined myself being good like her and being in all the great art classes, respected by everyone else. I held onto my art dream for a while, but when "career finding" in middle school, being anything in regards to art is not an option. Be a doctor! Be a teacher! Just don't throw your life away into art.
Unfortunately this impacted me. So through high school I walked the academic road. I was going for scholarships and finding what I was good at. Well, I found what I was good at: not studying, not wanting to learn any of these academic things, and wanting to go back to my simple dream. I listened as friends began to say what they wanted in their lives, and so I had to settle on something too. It was rough for me, I didn't want any of the things they wanted, or even what others said I would be good at. But after having a great history teacher, I decided I would try that. And so I went to college as a history major. In case you're wondering, that generally is considered just the same as saying you're undecided.
But there was one thing I did in high school to regain my desires. Senior year I took a photography class, an upper level art class, and reignited my love of art. So, I went to college as a history major, but enrolled in a drawing class. My confined love for art was sent flying! I couldn't bring it back anymore so I changed majors. I was going to be an art major. I talked with my drawing professor about career ideas. With a Masters in art I can teach anywhere I want, literally. If I add some psychology I can be an art therapist. I could go the route of graphic design. In the end what came out of this was that being an art major is not the equivalent of throwing your life into a garbage can.
So now is where the rant enters. We'll begin on the positive side of it. I have great parents, and they said "James, if you want to be an art major, be the best art major there is" (or something along those lines). What I didn't know at the time is that I had relatives telling my parents that I was throwing my life away. I had members of my church ward telling them and me that I need to find something else. Since I basically aced the ACT math and science sections, a lot of the suggestions where in the math/science fields. That is beyond not where I wanted to go! I started to look into art therapy. It's a mix of two great things: art and psychology. I was content, and that is what mattered to me.
On my mission there wasn't too much talk of college and majors, so I was relieved for a time from this anchor people tried to drown me with. But then upon my return and my entrance to BYU it all came back, and with a vengeance. The first question people have for me is "What are you going to do with that?" Better yet is when people tell me that I need to think about how I'm going to support a family with this degree. And here's a real kicker, I displayed some of my art for a ward activity once and talked about my art and my love of art. Afterward, while most of the college kids were admiring my work and saying how good it was I had a ward leader come up and tell me "This is all great, but you should find something that can support a family." Wow. Thanks for the encouragement. But really, that is a typical response when you announce that you are an art major. I'm tempted to tell people that my plan is to just be a hobo. Sounds totally fun, right?
So, now for what really blew my top yesterday. I went with the BYU Scandinavian Club cross country skiing yesterday evening. I got a ride up to Aspen Grove with a friend of mine and two of his friends. Of course his friends asked some info about me and when I mentioned being an art major they sounded really excited, saying that it was cool and continued asking questions. Then came their kicker. "So, I don't want to sound rude or anything, but what do your parents think of that?" ...ummm... How does one even respond to that? I think I handled it pretty well but really? Oh, my parents totally disowned me because I have a dream that I'm following, how bout you? Chemistry major? I bet your parents hate you too. Really? Who asks that kind of question?! The audacity in asking me about what my parents thought of my major honestly shocked me. That is one blow I have not received yet. So, now I'm here ranting to all of you about the things that knock me off my rocker.
So, yes, I am a Studio Arts major. No, I don't plan on changing my major. Yes, I have thought about my future and what I need to do in order to support a family. No, my parents don't hate my decision and everything about what I'm doing. Yes, I do love what I'm doing and plan on catching the dream I had as a young child. Some people throw dreams by the wayside, but I just can't let go. So, the next time you see me or any other art major, instead of throwing out demeaning comments about how dumb we are or how we have no future, maybe you should congratulate us on chasing our dreams. After all, I don't trash talk your major and question your future. Let's not kill off all the dreamers left in the world.
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