So, I'm going to start with my low self-esteem. I don't really know what started it, but it probably had to do with the fact that I was pretty thoroughly bullied growing up. It wasn't like I was pushed into lockers or anything, but I know what people said about me in school, and it wasn't the greatest. And I was never the cool kid or the one with lots of friends, just me and my close friends and then everyone else with the rumors. Another factor was probably my seasonal depression that I didn't really know much about. I just lived with the fact that one day I was fine and the next day there was a storm of emotions in me that I didn't understand. So this is where I choose to start this story.
It then takes a turn to a time of my life that was very hard. I had to decide whether I was going to go on a mission and continue my church life, or fall to the unknown future and let whatever came come. Around that time my parents encouraged me to get my patriarchal blessing. For those who don't know what that is, it is a blessing that tells you some of your gifts from God. A patriarchal blessing can include encouragement, warnings, and many other insights to life. I followed my parents encouragement and received my patriarchal blessing, but then spent many months (sometimes ongoing months) confused at what I was supposed to learn from it. I read it again last night and looked over it this morning and I think finally something has come out of it. In my blessing there is a lot of talk about the influence I can have on other people. I've always read this as something for me to think about, you know, asking myself how I am affecting others. However, this never helped me to change the look I have about myself. And that is what the true story is here. God sending people into my path to remind me that I'm not just the person in the rumors. I have a purpose, and I do influence others for the better.
So, now you're wondering what happened. Well, this past week one of my last mission companions came home. I went to a homecoming party for him and his sister, who also came home from a mission last week. Well, at this party we were talking with some of the other guests, and someone mentioned that this companion had some really good influences over the course of his mission. A few people looked to me. I had been this companions trainer. I was the first missionary he worked with while in Iceland, and from what I was told yesterday, I had a lasting impact on how he served his mission. I think back to my days in Iceland and I feel like nothing really special happened while we served together. I helped him get on his feet and get going, but besides that we just became good friends. However, I was told multiple times yesterday that he thinks highly of me as a missionary and as a friend. This was the final straw that helped me see what God has been trying to tell me for a while. I had a friend a while back ask me to be his best man at his wedding, and then when they got married earlier than expected I was one of the few people invited to that wedding. I have another friend who told me that I was, and still am, one of his best friends and one of a few people that he feels he can trust with anything. I've had many friends over the years who have trusted me with some of their biggest struggles. And I've always been there for them, but never looked at what I was doing or thought of why they came to me. And this weekend it hit me. We heard a talk in church about the influence that we can have on others. It was at that moment that I chose to express this saga of my life. It's kinda funny that it took this long to realize this.
So to conclude my story, this week I tackled a question I have been fighting for a long time. What is so special about me? And I've realized that there is something special about me. God does have a purpose for me. I have a strong influence on others. But just like people say: You may never know the impact that you will have on other people. And so today I'd like to remind everyone that you do have an impact on others. And maybe it's not expressed right away, or maybe it never is expressed, but the influence has been felt by someone. And that someone will forever hold their memory of you in a special place. An art teacher encouraged me to "work for the balcony people. The people who come to the show because they love you, not just the show." Everyone has their balcony people, and I am beginning to realize that I have taken a seat in some of those balconies. So when life gets you down, remember that there is a seat saved just for you in someone's balcony. Live to be that balcony person.
