Where I want to be...

     I have a dream. My dream is much different from the one Martin Luther King Jr. coined this phrase from though. My dream is that one day I will get over whatever it is that causes me to concave into a depressive stage of life. I don't know what the kicker is; stress, lack of sleep, being inside to much ...whatever it is I want it out! I really hate this feeling of outright hating myself for what seems to be no reason. I don't know what threw me off today, but something sure did. And I want today to be the last day that this happens to me. People generally see me as a happy person, content with life and carefree. But what people don't see is my pain. It comes and goes. Sometimes I just can't stand myself. I can't stand the idea of who I am and where I want to go. Maybe it's what everyone says to me about how I act and what I want to do. The way people cast their judgement down on me. I don't know, but every now and then something hits me like a ton of bricks and I go down. And I mean down, real low. I start to reap up all the different things I've done wrong, the things I'm not proud of. Along with that comes up all the things that have hurt me over the years. I've got quite a list there, believe me! And like fiery darts they stab into me and tear me apart. My dream is that one day I won't see those darts coming toward me. Instead I can live the happy-go-lucky life that every sees in me. One day I'll reach my dreams and won't be stuck in this limbo of good days and bad days. That is where I want to be.