Be Near Me...

It wasn't too long ago that I was in the same place I am now. Mourning the loss of a family member and wishing I had more time to spend with them. Last time it was my grandfather, and I hadn't even talked to him in a few years and was an ocean away from all of the family. This time it is my cousin, Mark, one of my many cousins who I don't know so well. But this time I'm literally a few blocks away. Same emotions though. An onslaught of questions. Why them? Why now? Why couldn't I have said good-bye? Or I love you, just one more time? These questions fill my mind, and while partially answered they remain partially open, waiting for a more concrete answer to fill the blank pages of my mind. 

The day I heard about my grandpa's death was Christmas Eve. We all knew he wasn't doing well, but I had a vain hope that he would somehow pull out of this health spell and I would be able to see him upon my homecoming from Iceland. Such was not the case. Instead, on Christmas Eve my heart was wrenched from me and I was left feeling confused and lost. Even with all of my family sending e-mails of comfort, and reassuring me that he was in a better place, I just didn't want to accept it. It wasn't his time. Mostly though, it was more that I wasn't ready for that. I wanted more than anything to have had the chance to say good-bye to him. 

Today I received the news that my cousin Mark had passed away. Although I really didn't know Mark, the exact same feelings came over me. Why? I hadn't even been able to get acquainted with him. I had briefly met his family when his daughter was baptized, but beyond that I don't know him or them. Yet there was still a heart wrenching feeling, and I wanted answers to my freshly written onslaught of questions. So, I turned on some hymns, crawled onto my bed to cry and began to search for answers. I don't know why really, but for some reason I wanted to read my patriarchal blessing and my grandfathers. So I pulled them out and cried while I read them. My grandfathers specifically mentioned fulfilling the mission that God had for him on this earth. While I thought on that, some of my question were answered. Mark too was given a mission on earth, and he has completed his mission. While none of us want him to be gone, it was time. We never know when our time will be so we must be ready at anytime. While I sat thinking on this a certain hymn came on that I want to end on. The hymn is "I Need Thee Every Hour", but I'd like to put the lyrics up in Icelandic, and I'll explain why after. 

Ver hjá mér hverja stund, þú hjartkær Drottinn minn. 

þín rödd mér fögnuð fær og friðarboðskapinn.

Ver hjá mér, ó, ver hjá mér; ver hér hverja stund. 

Ó, kærleiksríki Kristur ég kem á þinn fund.

Ver hjá mér hverja stund, með hjálparmáttinn þinn,

þá freisting frá mér snýr, er faðminn þinn ég finn.

Ver hjá mér hverja stund, í hjartans gleði og sorg, 

því annars er mér líf, sem auð og lokuð borg.

Ver hjá mér hverja stund, vor helgur frelsarinn,

þinn alltaf vera vil, ó veit það Drottinn minn. 

The reason I chose to use the Icelandic is for a few differences in the wording. Instead of "I need thee every hour" it says "Be near me every moment". This hymn meant a lot to me during my struggles while on my mission, and it has grown to be one of my favorite hymns, especially if said "be near me". It is times like this that I truly cry out to my Saviour, "be near me". I know that my cousin Mark is now near our Saviour, every hour and every moment. We truly miss you. 

Icelandic "I Need Thee Every Hour" translated:

Be near me every moment, my beloved Saviour.

Your voice gives me joy and a message of peace.

Be near me, o, be near me; be near every moment.

O, loving Christ I come to meet thee. 

Be near me every moment, with your helping power, 

direct me away from temptation, into your embrace.

Be near me every moment, in my hearts joy and sorrow,

otherwise my life is as a desolate and closed city.

Be near me every moment, our holy Saviour, 

I want to be thine, o grant me this my Saviour.