Within two years

Two years ago today my stresses were completely different from what they are today. I didn't worry about how I was doing in school, or what classes I would be taking next semester. I didn't even know where I was going to school. I didn't think about who I was dating, who I would marry, or when I would marry. I had no thoughts about an income earning job, few thoughts on my career and hardly any thoughts about pop culture and society. Two years ago today my concerns included who were we teaching, what would I study in the morning, who could we invite to church, if we would find new people to teach. My concerns aren't the only thing that was different about that time. Two years ago today my life was filled with God's spirit. I had hardships, but I could face them. Although I have seasonal depression and lived in a country with three hours of daylight max in the winter, I could handle it. I served others all day, which made me happy. I talked and laughed with my fellow missionaries about all the little things we did. I was a happy individual. But then I came home, and somewhere in that transition I lost my ability to cope with the hardships. I easily slipped out of habits formed on my mission such as reading my scriptures daily and even praying. Life was 'back to normal' I thought. 

But it wasn't. Once you know the feeling of happiness, you can't pretend that you don't know what it is. Once you know that a lemon is sour, you can't pretend that it is sweet. As I went about my 'back to normal' life, I felt unsatisfied. There was simply something missing, and I couldn't explain what it was. Even though Provo offers hours more sunlight than Reykjavík ever will, my seasonal depression took vengeance on me. I felt like I would hit brick walls in my study and in my life in general. And for some reason, I just couldn't figure out what it was that I was missing. Even after two years of having joy with me almost all the time, I couldn't remember what it was that had given me that joy. 

This semester I was offered a job as an Icelandic teacher at the Missionary Training Center, or MTC. I have wanted to work at the MTC as a teacher for a while, but since missionaries come very rarely for Icelandic, the opportunities are few and far between. When the job was offered, I applied and was accepted. For the past week I have been meeting with the missionaries as someone who did not know anything about the Mormon church. It was a blast for me to experience what it is like to be taught by our missionaries. It was also a great time for me to feel God's spirit.

Today I went in, as myself, to teach. The missionaries now know me as 'Steini', the Icelander who wanted to learn more about the church, but today they met Brother Schofield, their teacher. It was such a great experience! We went over some language skills and we talked about stress and missionary work. But there was one thing that I noticed today that is helping me to remember what Öldungur Schofield had that I have been putting to the side. God's spirit is so prevalent in that classroom. These elders, only 18-year-olds, talk about how they can help each other when stressed. They talk about the ability that we have to communicate with God through prayer and the strength we can receive as we pray. They have helped me remember what was so unique about my two-year experience in Iceland. I was never alone there, and I don't mean that I was always with another missionary. I always had God's spirit with me. I had someone there to strengthen me and to guide me. 

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto you souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

                                                                                            -Matthew 11:28-30

As I spent my two years serving others, I was given rest unto my soul. I was given the chance to see how I could find peace in a life that will never stop moving and changing. I was given a chance to see how I could have God's spirit to guide me, to strengthen me, and to be with me. After coming home I put this knowledge to the side, but after this week? I see what it is that I have lost, and what I need to do to find it again. And I will find it again, because I could use that spirit in my life again.