On Depression

   It has been quite some time since I last posted, but something happened today that I cannot pass to share. We had a lesson today on how to stand strong in difficult times. This lesson seems to have come too late to some however. Earlier during our testimony meeting, one of the bishopric members stood and informed us that one of the young men he had worked with in a different ward had taken his life as well as one of the young women who lives in Wyview Park. It was devastating news to say the least. I feel a personal tie anytime people talk about depression and/or suicide. I have struggled with seasonal depression and during my teen years I contemplated suicide a few different times. I saw no reason to continue, just like the aforementioned individuals. Unfortunately, they also followed through with their thoughts whereas I was able to block them out. And this is where I begin my story. 
   In our lesson the instructor talked about how as long as we have faith in God and his plan for us, then we can be and will be happy. That's hard news to take as someone who has struggled with depression and knows the feeling of doing everything 'right' and still feeling like a failure. The next sentence we were told is that our instructor felt that both of these people lacked the faith that he was talking about. I was infuriated at that comment! Depression is a mental illness that does not care about how your faith is. Depression is not simply having a bad day. As Psychology Today defines it, 

"A depressive disorder is not a passing blue mood but rather persistent feelings of sadness and worthlessness and a lack of desire to engage in formerly pleasurable activities." 

   Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke at the October 2013 General Conference and said this of depression:

"[It is] so severe that it significantly restricts a person's ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively."

   I've known a lot of people who have struggled with depression, and as I said, I struggle with seasonal depression. I know people who have struggled with bipolar disorder, another form of depressive disorder. It's not easy. It's not that we are choosing to think negatively or choosing to not think positively, there is almost literally a mental block that takes time to overcome. There is no easy fix. It sounds wonderful, truly it does, but it's just not there. 

   Depression is a situation that many people avoid talking about for these reasons. It's hard to understand and it doesn't make sense. To the logical mind one would say "Just think more positively," but as is stated above, that's not how depression works. I've had days where I wake up and my mind is full of thoughts of failure. In everything from school, aspirations, lifestyle, the list could go on forever. And that mood continues. It debilitates you as a person. You spend days trying to find the reason for you to be here, and for some that reason doesn't come. Their frustration increases and the depression steepens. And in the end it doesn't matter how strong their faith is, some of them will end their lives. Let us not think that their actions reflected their level of faith. Their actions reflect a battle that they fought sorely. I'm not trying to advocate suicide, or say that it's not as bad as you think, but those individuals were fighting hard. Let us honor how long they fought, and mourn the fact that they chose to end. Let's not try to make claims about them and their faith when we stand on the outside. 

   Finally, if you are one struggling with depression in any of it's forms, I want you to know that I do believe that God has a plan for all of us. He knows your struggle, and He cheers on every victory blow you make. He wants you to be successful. He wants you to continue onward. Don't give up. Press forward and keep fighting strong. God speed!